Ah, the ever-elusive self-esteem. Everyone talks about it, but what is it exactly? You cannot seem to pinpoint it on a map, yet everyone is out to get it. It is like a real-life One Piece that we are all pursuing so that we can be Kings and Queens in our own lives. But why is this commodity in self-esteem so valuable?
Self-esteem is self-respect; and what is the value of self-respect? Well, if you do not respect yourself, how can you expect others to respect you? having respect means having a deep adoration and holding someone or something in high regard. When people talk about having low self-esteem, they are essentially saying that they do not hold themselves in high regard.
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The question for that person then becomes: “who told you that you are less than?”. The biggest lie that you were ever told was that you are purposeless. At some point in our lives, we all come across that person or persons whose only mission in life is to sow bad seed in us.
This person will tell you that you cannot accomplish something, or they will undermine your talents, or they might even plot against you. depending on when you come across these bad actors in your life (and if you have not yet, you will) their influence can have a profoundly negative impact.
As these bad seeds take root in your mind, you begin to perpetuate those lies that you were told. Then all of a sudden, your confirmation bias kicks in and now your environment begins to reverberate those negative sentiments. This is where depression can start to settle in because now not only do you have an unfavorable thought about yourself floating in your head; but also, everything around you is saying that renegade thought is true.
Here are 3 ways to improve your self-esteem:
1. Confidence
Having confidence in yourself means being loyal to yourself. Con-fidence meaning with fidelity; or being in alignment with your convictions. Confidence comes from living a life that reflects who you believe you are. This is an important part of high self-esteem because when you are confident in who you are and what you do, you will put a value on yourself which will cause you to have respect for yourself.
It takes individuality to be confident. Confidence is a muscle: we must use it for it to get stronger. Our current society teaches us to be clones and cogs in a machine. That actually strips us of our individuality which in turn, forces us to live a life counter to who we are which ultimately, has a negative impact on our confidence.
It is impossible to be confident in who you are when you are trying to be like everybody else. Chameleons change their colors to hide, not to be themselves.
2. Self-improvement
The second way to improve your self-esteem is to improve yourself. What steps are you taking daily to become a better person? This is key with self-esteem because growing people are learning people, and part of having high self-esteem is continually growing and getting better.
The more you do something, the better you get at it, and the higher you hold yourself in regard because you have grown in that area. This is the most challenging part of improving your self-esteem because it requires consistent action.
People will allow themselves to burn out before they see the results of the work they put into something. This kills self-esteem because you are literally perpetuating a notion of failure in your life. How can you hold someone in high regard who never commits to anything?
Self-improvement is about moving forward in your life; whatever that looks like. We often expect or look for big opportunities to arrive before we decide to act. The truth is, however, that those big opportunities are not common, and if you are not in a position to capitalize on them you will miss out.
Getting better is a daily activity, not a one-off opportunity. Growing daily can be capitalized on by reading for 30 minutes a day or sparking a conversation with someone different than you. Getting a coach/mentor to challenge you and help you reach your goals or engaging with your creativity and trying something new.
3. Connect with the Right People
This tip is essential. Having the right people in your life is so important for your self-esteem because just like there are those with malicious intent towards you, there are those out there who want to see you grow and prosper and be all that you were made to be.
These people speak life into you and want to see you succeed. It is so valuable to get around people who have the capacity for you.
You need people who will be by your side and not just along for the ride. When you are in this type of space and community, everyone flourishes because everyone is adding value to one another.
We have all heard the saying: “show me your friends and I will show you your future”. Get around people who are excelling at what you want to be doing. Find people who live out their passion and go on a journey with them. A sure-fire way to develop your self-esteem is to be around people who have, and help others who want to.
Self-esteem is about having self-respect, which is about holding yourself in high regard. People pursue it because it allows them to be themselves regardless of where they are in life. Having high self-esteem is about having fidelity with yourself, improving your skills, and connecting with the right people.
When these things are done in tandem you begin to build up your resolve. Your resolve is what enables you to stand up in the face of adversity. Our self-esteem gets impacted when we allow ourselves to believe things about ourselves that are not true.
You cannot believe in something you do not believe in. This is called cognitive dissonance when two conflicting thoughts take up residence in our minds. As this relates to improved self-esteem, your voice as your own individual has to be louder than the voice of others. That is how you improve your self-esteem; by being less of what others think you are, and more of who you know you are.
Source: Life With Ken
